December 8, 2007

Hotclue’s 2007 Annual “How Do They Get Here?” List

I like to do this once a year, show y’all some of the phrases used by readers who wind up at my website through no fault of their own. They type these phrases into their browsers and who do they get? Moi, somehow, the poor things. Well, I welcome every single one of them and they’re an endless source of interest and amusement to me. I just thought I’d let y’all see some of my most recent ones, along with my own added comments, and sometimes, sorta kinda maybe rational answers. Here we go:

clinton and beth anderson divorce — You have NO idea how many of these I get every single month. Apparently a lot of people are obsessed with finding out the truth about myself and Clinton. So let me clear this up once and for all: I did NOT have sex with Hillary Clinton. (Bill is another story.)

sexy beth waiting — Is she already sexy, or is she just waiting to BE sexy?

leotard straitjacket — Folks, I get an awful lot of straitjacket hits. WTF???

kinky — Would this be Friedman, or just…Kinky? 😉

sorority spanking — Makes you wonder what goes on in the average American mind nowadays, doesn’t it.

gym bloomers — Lonely for the Good Old Days, are ya? Oooh, those sexy blue bloomers. NOT.

anderson hot — Well, Beth thinks she is. Far be it for ME to discourage her. I have to live with her, after all. (For anyone who doesn’t understand this, see my very first blog entry in February, 2006. It’ll all become clear to you.)

hot local sluts — Those would almost certainly be my critique partners, right? Phone numbers available on request. Just send cash. 😉

when a narcissist leaves you — Cross yourself, move to a different state (or country), and hope he never finds you.

spanking fun & games — More spanking games? America, what’s going on here? Are we a little angry at anyone in particular, like in the White House, maybe? Oops, mustn’t get political, right?

night sounds — A little serious BSP here: That would be one of my books. Even more serious BSP: Buy it, you’ll love it.

i can’t get over a narcissist — Yes, you can, as long as you keep far, far away.

neckedgirls — Pat Robertson, you’re not fooling me, I know that’s you.

boyfriend does not have a clue — Maybe he’ll get one when he becomes a man. But probably not.

spandex straitjacket — MORE straitjacket hits. Hmmmm…

typing games — That would be found on Yahoo or MSN chats, I think. 😉

can narcissist really love someone — Yes. Himself. (I get TONS of narcissist question hits every month. Are there REALLY that many running around loose? Cheesh! Call the CIA or something!)

victoria secret ben wah balls — I didn’t know you could get them there! Maybe that’s where Beth’s husband got them?

beth games — Beth must have some kind of wild secret life I don’t know anything about because I get lots of these hits, too.

nascar babe — GUILTY! I got my Jimmie Johnson t-shirt yesterday to prove it, too!

pics of old gym suits from high school — Longing for those good old bloomer days, are ya? Whatever flips your switch, I say.

should get married at sixteen — NONONONONONONO! By the time you’re nineteen, and I know no sixteen year old girl is ever going to believe this, you’ll be an entirely different person, saddled with a man you don’t even know or like anymore, and a couple of cute little, but constantly hungry, wet rugrats with head colds. Don’t do that to yourself, I BEG you! Wait till you’re thirty is my advice.

afraidofme heroin washingtonpost — This one took me aback because there IS an “afraidofme” who posts on the comment pages of WAPO. I have no idea of his or her pharmaceutical choices, but he/she does come up with a lot of interesting political comments, some of which I agree with, some not.

how do i make him value me — First, make him give you diamonds, lots of them. Big ones. At least three carats each. Then hide them. He’ll value you, no problem, at least until he tracks down those diamonds.

how do i leave a narcissist — Walk out the door. Never look back.

real romance love letter — Maybe I should write those for people. I’d probably make a lot more money than I do writing novels. Come to think of it, MJ Rose wrote a BEAUTIFUL book about a fictional heroine who did just that.

hot yoga — I want the answer to this one, too. Maybe in the Kama Sutra pages, ya think?

her name is lola. she will be my yacht. — Okay, Barry, I know that’s you, but I thought you promised you were going to name your new yacht “The Hotclue”!

help on writting an mystery uthors synposis — Uh, hon, I think you need a little more help than that…

lisa gardner — And this poor hapless Internet searcher got me…but hi anyway, glad to meet you! Say hi to Lisa for me!

oh whatever makes you because i got what i wanted now — Is this by chance one of Beth’s ex-husbands?

turkey and dressing for 100 — I can only run screaming out of the room at the thought of doing this.

hot boys — What’s the problem? They’re lining up outside my door even as we speak. Come on over, I’ll give you a few of my leftovers.

made me go barefoot — No problem there either. Mine BEG me to go barefoot.

in a train wreck with the narcissist — Correction. The narcissist IS the train wreck.

coughing up a fur ball — Sarge says to tell you Hey, and she’ll be doing her own 2007 Furball Year End Blog sometime this month. Man, has she got a looooong list THIS year!

worst spanking from wife — Did it hurt-ums? Did ooo wike it?

pekin — Someone from my checkered past trying to track me down, maybe? Well, here I am, in the flesh, so to speak.

how hots a turkey supposed to be — 175 degrees. Then cover it with foil and a big folded bath towel over the foil and let it sit in its own juice for a while. (Well hey, I have to make a serious, rational comment ONCE in a while, right? I KNOW this works.)

beth glitters — Well, she thinks she does. But really, I’m the one who glitters 24/7, not just once in a while, like her.

anderson map — Now I could understand this if you asked for a Hotclue map, which is far more interesting than any old Beth Anderson map.

pictures of hot christmas girls — Well, we all know what you want in YOUR Christmas stocking this year, don’t we.

love me hot — Yes I do. You KNOW I do, and so does Beth and so does Sarge.

sign your relatives are like fudge — This conjours up a fascinating picture to me, of my relatives, anyhow.

christmas rhyming clue — And did you find anything that DOES rhyme with Christmas? Please share, and also, share what rhymes with Orange.

gabrina garza take me out — Hmmm…I foresee a potential problem here…

picture of a hot fudge sundae — One of my relatives, by chance? One who blows hot and cold at the same time, maybe? Food for thought.

narcissistic boyfriend replacing you –You should be so lucky. Pray for your replacement, it’s the charitable thing to do.

homemade hot clue — At home, abroad, on a boat, on a plane…

limerick barry manilow — Barry, quit posting here. I’m still mad at you for not naming your yacht after me.

100 things to make from a cardboard box — This would be one of Beth’s husband’s relatives trying to save money at Christmas, LOL!

hot sexy pekin men –Well, I just bet there are a lot of them, now that you mention it.

bare picture of most beautiful girl of afghanistan — Oh oh. bin Laden, get off my blog.

inserting ben waa balls — This is a hydraulics question I’m not prepared to answer at the moment. Actually, I could, but Beth won’t let me.

want a nice hot women — Just ONE? But wait, we got a problem here. “Women” is plural, right? (What did you say your phone number was?)

examples for a 250 word mini saga — I have never written or spoken only 250 words on anything in my entire life. Any takers?

hot sex nabors — Jim, what are you getting into now? Just sing Back Home Again in Indiana once a year at the Indy 500, that’s good enough for me.

beth anderson nude — You really, REALLY don’t want to see that.

clue to hidden christmas present — The ben wah balls, I take it?

That’s it for this time, folks. Come back again next week, we’ll leave the porch light on for you. Beth is in the kitchen whipping up a big batch of Egg Nog right now.

We love you, you KNOW we do!

Hotclue Herself
Beth Anderson
and Sarge.

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5 Responses | | Comments Feed

  1. Great stuff, Beth! But c’mon I have the video tapes of you and Clinton and it’s goin’ up on Youtube if I don’t get that deposit in my Swiss bank account darn soon! Have a great holiday!

  2. Hey, Howard, I adore you AND your books, but you’re SUCH a lousy businessman! You can always SELL those videos to or CNN or FOX for at least ten, twenty thousand dollars, maybe fifty thousand, depending on whether it’s the long one or the short one. More money for you, more publicity for me.

    Let me know so which you decide on so I can have my next print run quadrupled. Enjoy your loot, babe, it should come in handy this time of year, and let me know how I can help you when YOUR next book comes out.

    Folks, just click on ‘Howard Hopkins Says:’ above) and you’ll find the website of a very fine author.

    Love, and lots of kisses under the mistletoe,

  3. Hots, I love your posts. This one brought tears to my eyes from laughing so hard.

    Did you say Vicki Secrets has those delightful little balls? I’ve been wondering what to get Studs for Christmas!

    Have a wonderful holiday and you be sure to be grateful to the Count!

    Love you both,

  4. Being the pure and innocent lady that I am, I actually don’t know where you buy them, but I bet VS would have them. If not, let him wander around there for a while, he’ll find something that you can both use, I’m sure. 😉

    Love, Hots and Beth

  5. That’s a great list! I noticed for a while there I was getting a lot of “wet teenage panties” which had me questioning myself and what I’m writing.

    I think search engines like to mess with us sometimes!








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