December 31, 2006

Auld Acquaintances

Should auld acquaintance be forgot
and never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot
for Auld Lang Syne?

Well, yes.

Yeah, some should. Oh, go on, admit it. Sometimes they should. Sometimes it feels really, really good to realize you have finally (well, almost) forgotten the guy who dumped you right before Christmas. It’s an amazing thing to wake up one morning right around Labor Day and realize you haven’t thought about him for days.

It happens. Revel in it. A short memory is a wonderful thing sometimes. This is one of those times.

Or the one who ran off with a good hunk of your money, leaving you with not much but a few misty memories of what should have passed for earth-shattering, universe-exploding O’s, but didn’t, not really. You were just pretending. Eminently forgettable, I’d say.

Then there’s the former girlfriend who got you drunk one fine afternoon (okay, you helped), whereby you spilled all the beans in that secret boiling cauldron you generally keep hidden far, far beneath the earth’s surface, then she splayed them all over your zip code on your behalf like a ton of fireworks gone amok. Yep. You definitely do want to forget her.

What about relatives who drop in uninvited for The Christmas Holidays (Chevy Chase is not the only one with relatives like that, trust me) and proceed to wreck your house, your budget, and your brand new red Beemer. It’d be a real pleasure to forget them, but they won’t let you. They like you, they really *like* you, so they keep coming back.

My advice? Move, don’t leave a forwarding address, and forget them.

See how easy this is? I bet you can come up with some of your own, you don’t need me to egg you on. But what the heck, it’s the last day of 2006 and I’m feeling generous. I don’t mind egging you on.

What about the agent who rejected you. Twice. With the same book. Should you forget him? Really? Oh, hell yes. He forgot you the first time he rejected you, and what’d you do? Came back at him like a bad penny at the neighborhood dollar store where nothing really costs a dollar. Don’t do that. It gives them too much pleasure to reject you again, and you don’t want that, do you? You want to keep some publishing pleasure for yourself, right? Move on. Rewrite. Forget him. That’s okay, don’t thank me, it’s my pleasure. I love helping people.

And the friend who keeps sending you email forwards with those pesky, rotten little angels flapping their fat little wings, which are probably nasty-coded gifs that can and will eat your computer? Block and forget, that’s my motto. 😉

How about the clerk at the bank window who looks at the nice check you received for some book sales, written to XXXX XXXX, Author. Looks up at you with suspicion, surely she’s got her finger on the panic button, the sirens will go off any second now, and says to you, “So is your last name Arthur? That’s not on the deposit slip you gave me.”

Forgettable. So forgettable I won’t even put it in caps.

Boring emails? Boring blogs? Boring Internet news?

Control. Alt. Delete. Forget.

Can you tell I’ve run out of those beautiful Bavarian chocolates the Count sent me and I’m ready to eat my desk lamp before I have to start on yet another New Year’s Atkins diet tomorrow? As an Auld Acquaintance of mine whose name I’ve forgotten used to say, “Nothing but love and kindness in my heart today.”

But the Holidays are almost over. Go Bears tonight! Diet in the morning, right after I polish off the last of the barbecue and chips ‘n dip.

Don’t forget to eat your black-eyed peas tomorrow. That’s an old Southern custom here in the US. They’re supposed to bring you health, wealth and happiness. But you have to eat them on New Year’s day. Even if you only eat a spoonful. It’s the gesture that counts.

I should probably eat some today.

Love y’all, you KNOW I do, so come on back soon, ya hear me?
The Hotclue
(who is itching to jump on a jet and honk on over to the Riviera, where Count Babalallapaloozo’s yacht awaits. I’m not forgetting HIM, that’s for dang sure.)

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  1. Black eye peas, Hotclue, must be soaked with a pinch of baking soda so you don’t fart your way through your first dinner of the new year. I’ve got guacamole and salsa for the Bears game, a bottle of champagne for ME, some baby back ribs for the guys, salmon fillet for ME!! I’m looking forward to 2007, the year of Yasmine Phoenix! Have fun on the Riviera with the Count and pleeze bring something nice back for Beth.
    PS – South Beach is better than Atkins!! Trust me.

  2. Bwahahahaha! Baking soda it is, Yasmine! Good idea, I never knew that. We’re going to do basically the same thing tonight (if my private plane doesn’t show up), and eat and drink the new year in. I’m SO looking forward to 2007, I can’t tell you how much. I hope Beth gets her book sold so she shuts up about it. And I’ll check into South Beach diet.
    Love, Hotclue

  3. Hots, I detect myself in at least three of your paragraphs. Hmmm, so I lost a bunch of money. What the hell, with all my book sales I’ll make it up in a couple of months. You’re right – he’s forgotten. And I swear I’ll never send you another forward with fat angel wings in it!

    Do you think that baking soda thing works for beans? I’m making navy bean soup this week and sure don’t want to frek out Studly!

    Have a great New Year and make a resolution to be kind to Beth. After all, she is the reason you can play all season.

  4. Sorry you had such a rotten year, Hotclue.

    Here’s an old quote from the actress Ingrid Bergman (who probably died before you were born): “Happiness depends on good health and a bad memory.”

    She should know. She was denounced in the U.S. Congress and drummed out of Hollywood when she ran off to Stromboli to marry whats-his-name.

    She had three lovely kids but the marriage didn’t last, and after a few years Hollywood forgave her. She fell in love again, apparently with a nice normal guy, but died of breast cancer. I always thought that was a dirty trick for Fate to play on such a beautiful, talented woman.

    Well, ramble, ramble. Sorry! Hope 2007 is full of joy for you. For me — so far, so good.


  5. Hey, Guys, I actually had a good year myself, the blog was mainly miscellaneous ramblings of a demented mind.

    I wish a wonderful and productive and lucrative 2007 for both of you.

    Love y’all,







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