Archive for August, 2006
August 26, 2006
how can i make him love me?
Remember seeing the title of this blog on my list of search phrases last week? That one really tugged at my heart because it looked to me as though it were written by someone very, very young. I thought at the time, maybe I can say something to make her feel a little better–although probably not, because when you’re that young, the answer you really want is how to make it happen, not that you can’t.
But hon, whoever you are, if you’re reading this, the fact is, you really can’t, because real love, the kind that lasts over time, is something that happens to two people when they’re least expecting it, and it can’t be rushed or made to happen by using some magic formula. It’s just not possible, because love is the deepest emotion we can give to one another, and it’s too deep to buy or manufacture. It just is what it is. It just happens and zap! There you are.
But when it’s real, it happens to both of you, and both of your lives become better because of it.
People throughout the ages have asked the question, “What is love?” and far be it for me to even pretend to give you exactly the right answer for YOU. I can only give you my opinion and insight, so here we go:
Love is not, first of all, sex. That’s part of it, but not by a long shot is it all of it. However, too many of us, especially when we’re young, think that first burst of sexual attraction, or lust, or whatever you want to call it, is love. But no. It’s not. It’s sexual attraction, pure and simple, which is a perfectly normal reaction for two people to have toward each other. But it’s not love. Not yet.
It takes time for true love to grow. You may think, when you see a face across a crowded room and want to jump his bones right then and there, that you’re in love. But you’ve just stumbled onto the tip of the iceberg.
Sexual attraction may grow into love and it often does–but not all the time, because so many other things enter into this thing called love, and a simple thing like the way he reacts when you’re sick, or not at your best, can either enhance or destroy the whole illusion before it even begins to turn into the kind of love you’re thinking about–the home in the suburbs, the 2.3 children, the dog, the vacations together, the long, uninterrupted nights in bed together before those 2.3 children show up, all those things we all like to think of as true love.
You see, there are two separate personalities that enter into this alliance we call true love, and they both are attracted to different things for reasons that really have nothing to do with either one of you individually. This is because the things that cause us to feel the way we feel at twenty are pretty much determined by the time a child is four or five, and maybe even younger.
His background is different than yours in so many ways, even if you’ve always lived in the same neighborhood. His parents and their expectations are different than yours in many subtle ways. There’s a whole world of difference between the two of you, aside from the more interesting physical ones. And most times, it takes real love to overcome them so you can actually live together over time and still love each other when you’re sixty four, as Paul McCartney put it so well.
Sometimes, if it is real love, working those things out over time can be fun. And sometimes they’re not fun at all, but it’s the not-fun ones you have to work at.
I remember a while back, a friend of mine got married and not one month after the wedding she wanted a divorce, and she wasn’t kidding one little bit. Why?
Two things. He squeezed the toothpaste tube and left it like that, and she always rolled it up. The other one? When she made a bowl of pudding, in her family they always took a knife and cut equal parts for everyone in the family before they served it, and in his family they just dug in whenever they felt like it.
Now that might sound like I’m making light of the whole love thing, but think about it. If you spent your entire life with a family who cut the pudding first, and he spent his whole life with a family that just scooped out what they wanted whenever they wanted it, those things are pretty well ingrained in both of you, and it’s hard to give up what you’ve always done.
Those two simple things caused what I could only call The War of the Roses. They fought it out in epic proportions for almost a month before one gave in. I don’t know who gave in, but one did. She forgot about the divorce and they lived happily ever after, last I heard.
The point I’m making is, someone always has to give in and you have to be prepared for that with this person you want so much he’s on your mind thirty-six hours a day. But if all you have is sexual attraction, you need to understand ahead of time, this wears down after a while, although we always think it won’t. As people far wiser than I have said, there has to be something else to take its place or at least add to it.
Two people meet. One person falls in love. The other person doesn’t. Oh, they may think they’re both in love and get along just fine as long as they’re mainly just having good hot sex. But sooner or later, something else has to take the place of some of that hot sex. That’s the point at which one may realize he or she doesn’t really love the other person, and may not know how to tell them.
But actions speak louder than words. My grandma told me that, and it’s still true today. Someone can tell you they love you, they may tell you that every day and every night, but if they start acting weird, if they’re pulling away, if they’re suddenly too busy, too distant, if you can’t get hold of them, if they’re impatient when they are with you, if nothing you do is right all of a sudden, when it seemed so right before, those are all signs THAT person wasn’t really in love. In which case, there is no true love, even if one of you does still feel it.
And there’s nothing you can do about it except say goodbye, and move on with your life.
Then one day, you’ll meet someone who is right for you, who doesn’t care whether you have makeup on or not, who will bring you chicken soup from the deli when you’re sick, who will go to the ends of the earth for you if need be, and who will never, ever, no matter what, deviate from that.
Then, and only then, you’ll probably have true love, the kind that lasts through parental interference, wrecked cars, sick kids, hurricanes, kids who grow up and for some reason become unruly and troublesome, ballooning house payments, all the negative things that happen to most of us over time, and he will still love you just as much, and probably a lot more than he did at the beginning.
When you find that, you won’t have to ask how you can make him love you, because if it’s right, if it’s good, if it makes a better person of both of you, you will have true love and you’ll know it.
I hope this happens for you soon, but if it doesn’t, please don’t worry, hon. It will.
See y’all next week, folks. Thanks so much for stopping by. Come again soon, ya hear me?
Hots Herself, who is thinking that anyone who wants to write a romance will probably also get a lot out of what I just wrote, because romances are all about finding true love.
August 19, 2006
Who Googles Hotclue?
I thought this week I’d share with y’all something that has been an endless source of high, hilarious entertainment to me ever since Beth first gave me this blog to babble and tap dance around in every week.
This (below) is a list of some of the search phrases people have used to reach our website over the past month, along with some comments from me in parentheses. I love them. Some made me laugh out loud, and I’m sure some didn’t intend to wind up here on my little blog, but still, they had to click on a link to get here and they did, so I’m happy. They came, they looked around, I hope they laughed and I hope they all come back.
Before I start making fun of some of the search phrases though, my heartfelt thanks to everyone who Googles us, or Googles anything, and winds up here.
Some phrases are because of our books, some because of our workshops, most are because of blog entries we’ve (mostly I’ve) written over the past six months. And some…well, I have no idea.
But they’re all interesting and some are downright hilarious. I get to see them by checking my stats program every day or so, and the search phrases part is by far my favorite. I thought you might like to see some of them too, so here we go:
ben wah balls (I’m grinning here. Check out my very first blog entry in February.)
beth anderson (WHAT? They didn’t Google Hotclue?)
beth (They did it again. Now I’m getting upset.)
writing a synopsis (we have overwhelming hits from this one every month, hurrah!)
writing the tight bare bones synopsis beth anderson
i ll take manhattan miniseries
gay (One of my past guests.)
kinky friedman (Looking for Kinky? So am I! But they got little ol’ me. Kinky, are you there? I’m still waiting!) (Don’t tell Count Babbalallapaloozo, though. If you do, there go my Christmas two-carat diamond studs. And to think I just got my ears re-pierced.)
beth anderson blog (I keep tellin’ y’all, it’s MINE!)
gay men in the military
purpose of a synopsis course
back home again in indiana jim neighbors
imus in the morning coffee mug (I want one too! I have to get on The Imus Show to get it, though and I’m working on it. Honest. I am. Maybe I’ll get to meet Col. Jack Jacobs, THE cutest thing I’ve ever seen in my life, EVER!) (Don’t tell the Count I said that, either.) (But do tell the Imus people ;-))
fighting a narcissist
richard speck childhood
how to deal with a narcissist
book outline and synopsis
murder mystery no profanity books (That’s one of our books, Murder Online.)
beth anderson writer (She’s still getting all the hits? I want a raise!)
gorgeous barry manilow (I’ll somewhat go along with that.)
hot woman sounds (They’re getting close now. They said hot. That must mean me.)
writing a psychological thriller novel
all that glitters the novel by elizabeth anderson (Yep, one of our backlist books.)
love your neighbors wife (Chuckling here. A lot of people want this one.)
jim nabors on maui (I love him and I love Maui. Does that mean there’s a trip to Hawaii in my future?)
american flag bikini (I want one of those, too. I’ll have to tell the Count.)
slouch socks (That’s Beth. I swear it. No, really. I wear Manolo Blahniks.)
al zuckerman (Wouldn’t it be funny if he were Googling himself and got me? Oh, wait! Maybe he did..)
hot writer photos (Beth and I both love this one. It’s one of our favorites.)
can a narcissist love (Trust me. No. Ask any shrink.)
beth anderson synopsis bones
book synopsis example
campfire fun games for married couples (I have NO idea…but you could try The Joys of Sex on Amazon.com. Just leave the kids at Grandma’s.)
trouble with your boyfriend (Don’t we all.)
get right back up and try again lyrics
narcissist and compassion
gilda radner its always something
digging emeralds (That’s in our book, Second Generation.)
hot to write a synopsis (Clearly a demented person. Or one who makes typos. Either way, they came to the right place. 😉 )
i don t smoke cigarettes loveless lyrics
the mind of a child killer
gym bloomers (That’s Beth. I swear it!)
mattress yasmine (I know a Yasmine. Not sure about the mattress part, but I’ll ask her.)
clinton and beth anderson (I’ll definitely ask Beth about THAT!)
use of plot point of view & character in writing
girls and dogs doing hot sex (WTF????!)
making hot love to your wife (That’s a little more like it.)
toyboxes for little boys (Ah, yes, our playful senators.)
decorated dinosaur cookies (Blame that one on Beth, too. I don’t bake, although the guys all say I cook.)
beth hunt anderson
hot necked girls suddenly (Don’t leave us hangin’ like that! Finish the sentence, okay?)
sisters in crime
gym suit bloomers (Beth again. How come she’s getting all the hits on MY blog?)
how to make a camproll (Directions are on my tap dancing blog entry a couple of weeks ago. Go ahead, try it if you dare…)
beth anderson – taste (I’m not touching that one.)
listen to she s a bobblehead (I ALWAYS thought Beth was a Bobblehead. Evidently some reader agrees with me. Finally!)
moms bikini holiday (Sounds like somebody went on vacation. It wasn’t me, Beth won’t let me out of the house right now.)
inside the mind of a serial killer
beth s hot (We’ll both take this one.)
autographing breasts (This is from our book, Night Sounds, I think. Either that, or someone’s having weird thoughts about me. No indelible ink, please.)
beth anderson boeing (I’ve always thought so, if that was a typo and they meant boring.)
how to write synopsis in marketing synopsis
cant make you happy card (Try Victoria’s Secret, that’ll make him happy.)
romance novel publishing
benwah balls (From my first blog entry in February. The word got around, I guess.)
beth anderson nude (EEK! RUN!)
beth anderson mystery novels (That IS happenin’.)
miss universe lost virginity (I have no idea WHEN that happened! Maybe one of y’all can fill me in and I’ll blog about it.)
female point of view (I’ll give you mine anytime.)
beth nickels picture (Overpriced. Try one of mine.)
make a narcissist love you
how to write a limerick (We’ll do a future blog on that. Maybe have a contest.)
beth anderson novels
ben wah balls sizes
beth anderson s getting into the mind of a killer (And to prove it, she’s been married three times.)
narcissist ever fall love
beth anderson author
mission oriented cannibal serial killers (Isn’t THAT an interesting search question…)
how to get ben wah balls out (I woke up everyone in the house laughing at this one.)
writing a book synopsis
leave narcissist (Ya might as well while you’ve still got your own sanity left.)
write sending boyfriend 2006 (Does this mean somebody’s sending me a boyfriend this year if I write to them?)
remembering a mothers love
indianapolis nice suburb
giant size clue game (I don’t have a clue 😉 )
how to write a mystery
emails with grammatical errors
what are ben wah balls (Anyone seeing a pattern here? Who would think…)
spandex leotard straitjacket (Beth has threatened me with this.)
ben wah balls (Yep. There’s a definite pattern. Maybe this should be the prize for our limerick contest?)
classes of a serial killer motive lust sex (Well, that’s usually part of it.)
hot wife photos (Must’ve been looking for photos of me, right? Oh wait, I’m not married!)
i lost my virginity to a huge penis (I hate to tell y’all, but this is the one I laughed at hardest.)
my worst spanking (Interesting, the people you meet online…)
beth anderson author
digging for emeralds (This is in our book, Second Generation.)
hot necked girls suddenly (Is this the same one from above, I wonder? Or do we have two guys out there in love with hot necked girls? Or do they mean hot and nekked?)
beth anderson bare bones synopsis
2 girls and a guy erotica (Oh oh. Now we’re getting a little kinky…and it came here? Hmmm…)
anderson hot (My half is. The other half, forget it. 😉 )
how to deal with a narcissist (Incredible, how many people are interested in this.)
crimewriter mickey died last week (My condolences to his family. No, seriously. He was a wonderful writer and one of our reviewers compared us to him. That alone would make him wonderful, if he wasn’t already, which he was.)
first novel publish (Grammar lessons 1st. Novel published, 1,000th.)
beth glitters (She thinks she does, but that’s MY job.)
beth anderson writer
point of view and novel
crime scene pictures of the menendez brothers (Holy Josephine! Do they want videos?)
writing appetizing menus (That HAS to be one of my guests.)
you by beth anderson (Anybody besides me wondering what the missing first word is?)
yellow showgirl feathers (Her name was Lola…)
barry manilow (And Barry wrote it…)
writing a synopsis
blog and beth andersen (Wait a minute here! This is MY blog! MINE MINE MINE!)
money and help writing books chicago (We could all use some of that, right?)
back home again indiana jim nabors
sorority spanking (I have some of the most interesting people coming here, wouldn’t you agree?)
i ll take manhattan miniseries
superromance global warming (Are they saying Harlequin Superromances are contributing to global warming? Their publicity department would LOVE that!)
how can i make him love me (THIS will be next week’s blog. Stay tuned, or put me on your RSS or Atom or whatever feed.)
one sentence synopsis (How about, “I wrote a book.”)
just imagine-beth anderson (That’s what I say every single day.)
help i m in love with a narcissist
melissa sue anderson nude (Thank God that didn’t say BETH Anderson nude. Although you never know what you’ll find online…)
Okay, folks, I just decided. We WILL have a limerick contest sometime soon, and the prize WILL be ben-wah balls. Well, ya gotta keep your blog readers happy, right? My only quandry is, if I Google ben-wah balls and get my own blog, how will I ever find out where to get them?
Love to y’all, and please come back again often. I hope you have as much fun reading this blog as I do writing it.
The Hotclue, on a roll today.
August 15, 2006
Reality Check: Get ‘er Done!
This will be a short one this week. I’m tearing my hair out because I’m dying to go off on a cruise on Count Babbalallapaloozo’s yacht, off the coast of Greece. But I can’t yet (insert loud, whining sound bite here), because Beth Anderson, who thinks I’m her alter ego but in reality, she’s mine (don’t tell her, she lives in her own dream world) is working on revisions for THE SCOUTMASTER’S WIFE and she won’t let me out of the house until they’re finished. She’s three quarters through it at this point, and even then she’ll have to go back through it again and do some cutting. We know this. It’s a given.
Well, hurrah for her, but I wanta go play. However, Beth’s mantra at the moment is, Hots, I don’t give a damn how much you love Greek food and that Italian wierdo you hang with, you’re not leaving this house. We’ve GOTTA Get ‘er Done!
Which brings me to my pep talk, written especially for new writers.
Here’s how you do it if you’re really serious, if you dead-on want to get published and stay published.
No writing tips today, this is a publishing reality check. And the reason for this reality check is, when you’re trying to get published, you need to do several things to get yourself prepared and into the mindset of a professional writer.
First. Understand that after you’ve spent 5,000,000 light years spinning your wheels trying to get that first book published, during which time you might have no clue how long it’s going to take–and it always takes longer than you thought–if you stay with that publisher you’ll most likely be able to sell on a partial from then on.
IF you sell on a partial, you have to know realistically how long it’ll take you to get your current book done, because the due date is going to be in the contract, thus giving birth to the phrase, “deadline hell”.
So. Realistically, factoring in all the other things you have to do in the course of your daily life, how long WILL it take you? Not how long CAN it take you, because remember, you’re going to contract on how long it’ll be before you WILL turn the book in, and this is not going to be some vapor-date, negotiable at will. (Barring real-life emergencies, which do not include that spontaneous two-week trip to the beach with your pals.)
Anyhow. Here’s how you do it: Take the number of pages you want your book to be. How do you know? Well, what publishing house are you aiming for?
If it’s a category romance publisher, you should already know how many pages are in their books. Each printed book page is approximately a manuscript page and a half. I’m saying approximately, I don’t have time to look it up exactly right now, you do that, it’s your book.
Even if it’s not category, you should still have a general idea approximately how long you want your manuscript to be. If you have no idea, get an idea, quick. Ask questions or you’ll find yourself spinning your wheels for eternity and you’ll wind up with an eleven hundred page manuscript that nobody will touch. Yes, even though you’ve sweated your little heart out for five years, they still won’t touch it. So find out what a realistic page count for your type of book would be, and try to hold it down to that. Cutting your adverbs and adjectives will help, as one clue anyhow.
Okay. You want, say, a four hundred page finished manuscript, which will produce about a three hundred page finished book in print.
Four hundred pages. That’s not a lot, right?
Well, it depends. How many pages WILL you write in one week?
Not CAN, or CAN MAYBE, but WILL. Remember, this is going into a contract, a legal document. So, based on how many pages your book will be, divide it by the number of weeks you’ll have to work on it. That gives you how many pages you have to produce every week. Note I said HAVE TO. That’s a pitfall far too many new authors never even think about.
So it’s in your best interest to find out how many pages you are willing to produce a week long before you sign that contract.
I can tell you, once you’ve signed that contract on a partial, you have to give up a lot. So realistically, be prepared for the fact that your time is no longer yours when you’re under contract to finish a book.
The time to prepare for that is NOW.
Approach it like the million dollar industry it is, folks, because that’s what it is. Probably not your million dollars, but that’s what’s riding on authors producing what they’ve said they will, when they said they will.
When Beth (the nag, one of the nicer names she’s referred to by her crit partners) started her first book, which became a Harlequin Superromance, she figured out FIRST that it would run about four hundred manuscript pages.
Now here’s the kicker, and I want you to pay attention here: She wasn’t even contracted then, but she treated that entire book as if she WERE contracted. That’s what I mean about adjusting your mindset.
If you think you will, you will. If you think maybe you will, chances are you won’t, at least where writing a book is concerned, because surprise! It’s damned hard work.
But that’s how you have to think. Write it as if you’re already under contract, even if you aren’t. If you can actually adjust your mindset like that right from the git-go, and you can, you’re not going to spend years screwing around with one chapter, which some do. But they’re not published and probably never will be. They have yet to say, “I WILL do this!” and mean it. And then do it.
Okay, you’re under contract, even if it’s only in your mind. How long do you have? Six months? A year? The number of pages you force yourself to finish each week come hell or high water (pardon the cliche) will determine whether you’re going to reach that goal or not.
Beth didn’t wait till she was under contract, she started out like that. She soon found out that she could finish one fifteen page chapter a week IF she worked every night during the week and a lotta hours over the weekend. At that point, she was unsure of a lot of things, but she did find out, by sticking to it, that she could, which rapidly turned into would, finish one chapter a week, including editing. So she knew almost from the git-go what she WOULD do.
You have to know something else: Other things happen after you turn in what you think is your publishable book.
For instance, editorial revisions, sometimes agent-requested revisions, all of which can add considerably to the time it’s going to take to actually finish the book.
YOUR job is to know how many pages a week you WILL write in order to finish the book you’re working on now.
CAN or MAYBE YOU CAN v/s WILL.
Will makes all the difference in the world.
Ta ta for now, I hear Beth screaming–er-uh-calling. Gotta go, we’re finishing our revisions and then I can go play. Although, curse the luck, I hear her, over there in the corner, muttering about our next book…omigod. There she goes again…
Love y’all, write on, and come back real soon, ya hear me?
August 7, 2006
Hotclue Ponders Important Current Questions
I was thinking. I do that sometimes. Today I’m trying to figure out the answers to a lot of today’s mysteries and I’m wondering if anyone HAS any answers. If you do, please say so. I’m feeling awfully lonely here, with all these questions running around in my head and no answers in sight.
Can anybody tell me how come these idiots who start all these wars don’t realize that every time you drop a bomb or shoot a missle and it explodes, it thins out our ozone layer even more than it was before? Yo, guys! Ever hear of Global Warming? Hello? Do you really want to watch your kids and grandkids grow up to be mutants because our ozone layer is at war with us now, thanks to all the pollution?
Maybe I’m wrong but the answer, to me, seems so simple: Idiots, Quit Starting Wars!
Wouldn’t you think our Congressional and Executive and Judicial branches would have much more important things to do than wandering around worrying about who wants to marry whom? Since when is it their business to worry about all that? Why don’t they let the National Enquirer, which IS paid to do all that, DO ALL THAT!
Am I the only one who worries that when George Bush said he answers to a Higher Father, he meant either Carl Rove or Dick Chaney?
Why is it that it’s okay for oil companies to make billions in profit when so many of our dying-out-middle-class senior citizens are going broke trying to pay their wildly ballooning utility bills?
Come on, guys! Try thinking like commoners once in a while. You might learn something.
Did anybody (other than government bean counter sharks) ever stop to figure out that although seniors who subscribe to Medicare Part D get a break on generic drugs (as long as they’re very, very careful not to buy any expensive ones), companies who mismanage these plans receive an average of $360 per year, per person, FROM those same senior citizens, FOR mismanaging these plans. Now if you factor in how many millions of seniors subscribe to those plans, tell me, WHO is getting the real benefit of Medicare Part D, which stops at $2,500 and doesn’t start up again until those same seniors have spent thousands of dollars of their own money, which most don’t have? I could be wrong, correct me if I am, but it looks like the main beneficiaries of Medicare Part D are the pharmaceutical companies, the mail order drug companies, and the insurance companies.
What a surprise.
Is anybody but me astonished that while our men and women are fighting and dying to promote democracy in countries that do not appear to WANT democracy, thankyouverymuch–and this is supposed to be protecting us here at home, per the Prez–well, at the Very Same Time our own borders, shipyards, utility and other sensitive locations are barely protected at all? The Prez doesn’t seem so concerned about that because if he was, they would be protected, wouldn’t they? And while all this is going on, what are our current legislators all worrying about? See above, item 2. That, and getting re-elected, of course
God love ’em. No wonder they’re all turning gray.
Am I the only one worried that our next election will be decided by electronic voting machines which are terrifyingly insecure and can be hacked by any junior high student?
Oh, wait…so maybe THAT’s where those 62,000,000 votes came from….?
Why do we still have an Electoral College, unless it’s because the same legislators who travel around in packs gathering votes from the general unwashed public ALSO believe that the same general unwashed public is too stupid to know who they’re voting for?
Does that make those traveling legislators somehow culpable in this mass manipulation we call ‘elections’?
Is anybody besides me ready to shoot their television if they see even One More Sound Bite about Mel Gibson’s outburst, Anna Nocole Smith’s pregnancy, or Tom Cruse’s baby?
Note to television producers: Guys, We Don’t CARE. We really don’t. We’re busy worrying about our world, not their world.
I guess that’s it for this time, folks. I apologize for my extreme ignorance, but I really do wonder about these things.
I wonder because dang it all, I care.
Love to y’all, Speak Up if you have questions or answers of your own, and please come back again soon, ya hear me?