March 29, 2006


I got another (where do these people come from?) love-crazed email this morning. I’m calling this one Honey here, to protect the potentially guilty. I’ve copy/pasted what she said:

“Hotclue, please tell me what to do. I don’t know what to do. I’m seventeen years old. I’ve got a nice boyfriend, but his father is making passes at me. At least I think that’s what he’s doing, but he’s so sneaky about it that I’m not sure, so I thought I’d ask you what you think. He sits down on the sofa on the other side of me when my boyfriend is there with me and he presses his knee up against me. Sometimes he drapes his arm across my shoulder but he always makes it look like an accident. If we’re all having dinner together, he keeps looking at me and he keeps filling my plate and buttering my bread. The looks he gives me makes me feel really nervous, like, you know, it’s freaky. I mean, he hides it from everybody else but every chance he gets he gives me this really hot look. The trouble is, it excites me. It’s fun, kind of. I can’t help it. But I have the feeling maybe it’s wrong and I’m not sure what to do because I really do like my boyfriend. But here’s the bad part. I like his father too. Oh, and like, by the way, my boyfriend doesn’t know about this.”

Oh, Honey. OHHHHHHH, Honey! Don’t move a muscle, just listen to Hotclue.

Daddy-o is waaaaaay overstepping his boundaries, and yours, and his son’s. Trust me, he definitely is. And he’s doing it with one thing in mind. And you know what that one thing is. And it sounds to me as though you like it, you really, really like it.

So you have a choice to make, and you’d better make it fast, because this situation sounds like it’s getting a little too hot to handle and it’s not going to go away. Fires seldom do until someone hoses them down. You better whip out the garden hose fast.

You could fall for the old man’s passes and maybe cause a divorce, a split between you and your boyfriend, maybe a murder or two, what the hell. Because these are the kinds of situations that cause things like–oh, burning down houses, cutting brake lines, blowing up cars, a gun shot or two, maybe landing in your own soft, flat, young little belly–because my bet is, his wife knows exactly what he’s up to but just hasn’t said so yet. The key word here is “yet”. Memorize it.

You don’t want to be around when she decides to speak, burn, cut, blow up or shoot. Trust me, OH trust me, you don’t. There’s nothing more dangerous than a raging wife. Haitian revolutionaries with machetes and hand grenades are pussycats by comparison.

Or, you can always speak up loud and clear next time he does his thing, which will cost you your boyfriend, his father, a huge ugly scene, his wife will never allow you in the house again AND she’ll call your parents. Bummer! But there’s a bettter way.

You can do the smart thing and get completely out of the entire situation now, which means divesting yourself of this entire family, including your boyfriend.

Oh, you think you might love your boyfriend? Unh uh. Think again. You’ve been looking at another man with more than a little prurient interest. That means you’re not really in love with your boyfriend. He is not the love of your life. His father is definitely not the love of your life. So get that out of your head.

I think the number three choice is your best bet, and here’s why. The father is never going to stop what he’s doing. He’s just not. Men (and women) like that love living on the edge. If they do it once, they’ll do it again. If they don’t do it again, they’ll want to do it again. We choose our patterns pretty early in life, and fooling around on your wife, which he is doing, is a pattern he chose. Not to mention that he obviously doesn’t give a damn about his son’s feelings.

You’re seventeen. Right now is when you’re choosing your pattern. Are you going to fall into this situation where not only is he sneaking around on her, but you’re sneaking around on your boyfriend? Wait! You’re not fooling yourself into thinking maybe this feeling you have for his father might be fate, are you?

It’s not fate. He wants to cheat on his wife. He’ll want to cheat on you, on the off chance you wind up with him. That’s a given. He’s picked his pattern, and my bet is, there have been others before you and there will be others after you. It is a pattern, you see. Once men (or women) have picked that pattern, they don’t often change.

It may be hard. It may be uncomfortable. But you need to call your boyfriend and tell him you won’t be seeing him anymore because you’re thinking things over, you don’t want to be so serious, you need your space. That’s a good one. Everybody understands needing your own space. He may not like it, but he’ll at least understand the terminology.

Main thing is, you can’t do this halfway, not with a situation like this one. You can’t just decide to stick it out and think maybe his father will back off.

He’s not going to back off, not until he completes his pattern. It’s not you, realize that right now. It’s the pattern. You don’t even matter, not really. You’re just the means to the end he has in mind (which just happens to be yours right now).

You have to get out and stay out. Never go there again. Never call there again. Tell your boyfriend you met someone new, tell him whatever you want, but tell him now and be done with it and don’t look back.

Otherwise, one day very soon this creep’s wife will probably look you up and at the very least, beat the living hell out of you.

Hotclue. Has. Spoken.

Advice to the Love-Crazed | Add A Comment  


2 Responses | | Comments Feed

  1. Hotclue, darling. You could give Ann Landers and Dear Abby a run for their typewriters! On the spot advice! Todays’ women need to be picky about who they deal with. A horny old man is trouble. As is a horny young man – but I’d take the horny young one.

  2. Got any leftovers?

    Hotclue Herself







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