March 19, 2006

Hotclue to George:

I’ve read quite a bit of advice about author blogs recently. Some say, “For God’s sake, don’t blog about politics!”

Well, why not, as long as you keep your nagging bi-partisan. We have minds too, some damn fine ones, in fact. And this is the US of A. We get to speak up if we want. Besides, always blogging about nothing BUT writing is preaching to the choir if a writer’s reading it, and maybe boring as hell to civilians who read it.

As y’all already know, I’m a different kind of blogger. I’m like that man in Alabama who does a one-man, one-block parade every St. Patrick’s Day. He does his thing, has fun doing it and everybody around him has fun. Hotclue does her thing and has fun doing it, and hopefully gets the same results. Hopefully.

This morning I was watching the Sunday Morning shows–Prime Time for Politicians, I call it, although Face the Nation and Meet the Press are what the television networks call it. I watch them every Sunday whether I want to or not, since Beth and I are, so to speak, joined at the hip.

This morning I came up with an idea I’d like our President to at least consider, regarding what to do about Iraq. Not that he asked me, you understand. And not at ALL that I’m taking the Iraq situation lightly. I’m definitely not or I wouldn’t be concerned enough to blog about it. But I was thinking–as I told you before, I do that sometimes.

Anyhow. People are saying, here lately, “Mr. President, tell the Iraquis it’s their country, and either they get their act together and run it or we’re leaving.” But nobody ever tells him exactly how he should do that and my take is, he’s fumbling around with the wrong people for advice.

BUT: Hotclue To the Rescue! So listen up, George, honey:

First, invite all of their newly-elected officials to the White House. Send Air Force One after them. If there’s not enough room, send the other Air Force One, too. We know you have more than one.

Pick them up in stretch limos at Andrews Field. Have the drivers go really slow all through DC, but not because we want them to be jealous of what we have. (After all, we don’t want to remind them that we sort of messed up their country ourselves, either. I know, I know, we’re repairing things as fast as we can. But still.)

We just want them to see for themselves what they CAN have if they’ll just stop screwing around fighting each other over things like oil–ummmm, on second thought, maybe we shouldn’t mention the word “oil”. My point is, maybe they need to be made a little more aware of what democracy really can bring to the table if they’ll just settle down and help it happen, and seeing it first hand should help.

Hold a huge state dinner for them. Don’t forget to tell the chef what kind of food they like. No pork, I think–probably lamb, but the chef can check all that out. (Just eat it, it won’t kill you.) After dinner have some entertainment, but no Can-Can dancers or anything like that, remember what happened with Kruschev. If you don’t, there must be a history book in the White House to remind you.

Next morning hold a big televised meeting. Make sure everyone is there.

THEN tell them, “Folks, Iraq is YOUR country. We don’t want it. We want you to take over and control it yourselves, folks, we really do. We went over there and got rid of Saddam and Icky and Ucky for you. Now it’s time for us to leave you alone.

We want to be out of there by December. We want our guys to come home home and take care of our own bad guys, because we do have them. But if you’re going to take over in Iraq, stop fighting with each other and go after your BAD GUYS, for Allah’s sake! (A little diplomacy helps here, George. Allah is what they call Him even if you do call Him God. Give them Allah, it can only help.)

Then tell them that if they can control the people who want to create carnage every time we even TRY to rebuild anything for them, we’ll finish the job, but ONLY if we can rebuild in peace. If we can’t, then we’re sorry but adios, fix it yourselves.

Here’s the reason I’m speaking directly to you, George, honey. You can’t keep sending your number two people over there to do this for you. This message needs to be delivered with some teeth, and although Condy clearly has teeth, her message isn’t getting through. You need to do this yourself. If you do, this should accomplish two things.

First, as long as you don’t let anybody brag about anything we have, just feed ’em well, then say what you’ve got to say so they know you mean it, they might listen. At the very least it’ll give them something solid to think about, rather than vapor-talk like, “We plan on sometime in the near future starting to wind down the number of our troops,” which says nothing.

Second, it’ll get US off your back because we’ll believe you mean it too, if you bring them here and do it on our territory like I told you. It could be a real historic moment for you and we know how much you love historic photo shoots.

In short, ya gotta do this yourself.

I guess that’s about it for today, folks, but don’t go making up any Hotclue for President campaign posters any time soon, please. First I’d have to see how much money I can raise and I think Hillary’s already got me beat there.

Ta ta till oh, Wednesday night, Thursday or so. Beth and I have a book to finish and we’re almost there. I PROMISE to talk about writing next time, even if it’s boring. Which it won’t be. After all, remember, this is Hotclue Live.

Love y’all. Even George. Even Dick.

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2 Responses | | Comments Feed

  1. Blog about whatever you want to! 🙂

  2. Hey, THANK YOU, Kathy! I thought about this for a whole day before I did it and now I’m expecting the FBI to show up any minute. I hope they bring money, I’ll try to sell ’em a couple of books, plus boggle their minds for a while. 😉 Ah, hell, they wouldn’t know what do do with me anyhow, except maybe put me in jail, and how great would THAT be for publicity! I can see the headlines now…the NY Times…CNN…People Magazine…The Washington Post…

    Cheers, and thanks for popping by! I’m truly honored!







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