February 11, 2006

Actually, It All Started With the Ben-Wah Balls…

Free at last, free at last, Thank God Almighty, I’m Free At Last!

Beth finally (FINALLY!) gave me a forum where I could say what I want. Pssst: Don’t tell her, but she’ll be sorry. 😉

Beth and I get along inhabiting the same body, but our minds war constantly. Really, our bodies aren’t the same either. Actually, there are a lot of major differences between us.

Beth is 2,000 years old. She loves to tell people that because it keeps her from having to tell people how old she really is. I’m 24 and not a day older. In fact, today is my birthday.

Well, every day is my birthday, if you want to know the truth. Hers is in April, she’s a genuine Taurus, which explains why she’s so…well…damn stubborn. Me, I just buzz along happily, doing my thing depending on which day it is. Any day’s a good day for me. Beth keeps a calendar and notes everywhere.

But I know where the matches are.

Another difference: I’m a size 8. A perfect size 8, I’ll have you know. She’ll never tell you her size, even if you’re bringing in clothes for her to try on. She would rather walk out into the store in her underwear (we’ll get to that in a minute) than tell you what size she wears. Very embarrassing, actually.

About the underwear. Well, mine all comes from V S and they’re all lacy and thongy and gorgeous. As for hers, trust me when I tell you this, you don’t want to be in a department store when she walks out to pick out yet ANOTHER outfit while she dodges the clerk, who only wants to help.

Casual wear? Mine is all designer. Hers is whatever she grabs off the floor to write in. That’s usually sweats and socks. Yes, she actually wears socks, never, ever shoes while she’s writing. Sometimes I just have to just leave the room. She doesn’t care if there are a dozen holes in them, I wouldn’t be caught dead in half the things she wears. I’m telling you, it’s embarrassing.

Our personalities are completely different and this is where I really trip her up sometimes. I love to speak in public. She would rather sit in the back corner behind a screen with a bag over her head so nobody would know she was there. So…she lets me do all the conference speaking and I LOVE it because she has nothing at all to say about what I say there, just like here. I really take over then, Believe me, I’m lovin’ this blog stuff, yeah baby, almost as much as I Love Talking!

We write together. I do all the uncluttered, breezy, jok-y stuff, she writes all the serious stuff. Right now we’re working on a thriller. I get to write Jack’s chapters. She gets to write Raven’s. That’s the only thing we don’t fight about.

See, it all started, all this conflict, with the ben-wah balls.

Up to that time I never said much, just laid in the weeds, so to speak, waiting for I wasn’t sure what, although it’s been a while since I laid in any weeds. I’ll take a duvet covered feather bed, thank you very much.

Then one day she decided to clean out our husband’s bedstand drawer. Everything was going along fine, I was watching her do all that work while I filed my nails, until I heard her say, “What the hell is this?”

I looked over and down at her, since I was sitting on top of the dresser at the time, saw what she was holding, and I thought, this is it. It’s time I came out and wised this woman up.

That’s another difference, by the way. She is totally naive. She is. Everybody knows it. Her friends all know you can tell her the most humongous, atrocious lie in the world, and she’s going to believe it because to her, all things are possible.

She reminds me of the little girl in The Grinch, remember her, the one with the big eyes, singing “Ooo ra, doo ra” or whatever the hell those things sang in that movie? Well, that’s Beth. Hoo rah, doo rah, that’s her. Waiting for her Christmas present.

Me, I’m street smart and I know my stuff. Well, anyhow, there’s Beth standing there with this little box with two big balls in it, wondering what they were for. Like I said, naive, yeah, baby.

I knew what they were. But I waited to see what our husband would say.

He said, “They’re ben-wah balls.”

Now I’m sitting there, forgetting about my fingernails, wondering why he never showed them to her before. But I kept my mouth shut. I do that once in a while.

She said, “What are they for?”

He told her.

She said, “They go WHERE?”

That’s when she met me for the first time. I jumped down from the dresser, tapped her on the shoulder, and said, “Excuse me, dummy. Are you EVER going to wise up?”

She just looked at me. “But–they go WHERE? Is he CRAZY?”

“No, honey,” I said. “You are. Just put ’em back where you found ’em and hope he forgets about ’em.”

Fortunately for both of us, he did.

But that’s the day she first met me and acknowledged there was Someone Else there besides her.

It pays to come out, folks. It really does. Because here I am, I have my own blog and we’re going to talk about a lot of things.

Beth is a news junkie. She knows the name of every politician in the universe. I’m a clothes junkie. I know every good designer in the universe.

So the war for blog space begins…

Love, y’all,
Hotclue

Hotclue v/s Beth | Add A Comment  

Comments

19 Responses | TrackBack URL | Comments Feed

  1. Dear HotClue:
    You’re a gas. Mind if I link your blog to mine?
    Pat Browning

    Reply

  2. I love Hot Clue. The website is terrific.

    Marilyn

    Reply

  3. Link away, folks. The more, the merrier. See, I KNEW people would love me, but Beth’s walking around the house wringing her hands, wondering if she should put a disclaimer on MY blog. Cheesh! Thank you both, Marilyn and Pat. I love YOU for coming to see me and saying howdy.

    Reply

  4. Hey, HotClue! If you’re ANYTHING like my Muse, Ariel, then Beth’s got a real HANDFULL in her house! Hope to read a LOT from you!

    Reply

  5. Hey, Forrest, I read your blog. So tell me about Ariel. And thank you for leaving a comment, that was nice of you. Cheers, Hotclue

    Reply

  6. HOWDY HOTCLUE! It is so good to meet you after knowing your stuffy other-body-sharin-buddy for all these years. You are tooooooo cool, baby, and can’t wait to read more about how you terroize stodgy Beth. YOU GO GIRL!!

    Reply

  7. P.S. Hey, Hotclue, what exactly are Ben Wah balls? And where do they go? I’m serious here.

    Reply

  8. Folks, y’all have to excuse this last poster. She’s one of my crit partners, is writing her second erotica, and probably INVENTED ben-wah balls. 😉 I mean, come on, her Significant Other is named STUDLY, what does that tell you?

    Sloane, honey, I don’t think you need any lessons from li’l ol’ me. Don’t forget, I read your book first! (It’s called Teddy Turns On and will be available from Triskelion Press in June, folks. Go get that puppy, it’s really, really good.)

    Hugs, Hotclue

    Reply

  9. I bet Studly has ben-wah balls and Sloane is just pretending she doesn’t have them. Hm?

    Fun blog. I’m suddenly very thankful my muse is male.

    Reply

  10. How’d you get a male muse, Jenna? That’s pretty cool! Hey, thanks for checking out my blog, I really think that’s wonderful! Come back often, ya hear me?

    Cheers, Beth

    Reply

  11. Unfortunately, Hot Clue, you’re going to have to explain those damn balls to both Sloane and me. Unless you want me to look it up on the internet. Great Blog, thank goodness you don’t come to our sessions, no work would get done. But, during our breaks, pop out, and help me with my COMMAS!!

    Reply

  12. Hot Clue, Never mind. I just googled it and sent it to Sloane.

    Reply

  13. Unbelievable. Just unbelievable. I can see I’m going to have to make Beth stay in the other room next time you guys come over so I can take you two in hand…

    Thanks, Yasmine honey, for dropping by and commenting. I’m looking forward to seeing what you found on the Internet. And to slicing and dicing your commas. 😉

    Hugs,
    Hotclue

    Reply

  14. Okay you Brazen Hussies and Hotclue! I was serious and didn’t have a clue. I thought they were those things for guys. By the way, what are they called?

    Since next week is Valentine’s Day I just may drop a hint to Studly. Lots and lots of hints. HEHEHEHE.

    Thanks for the plug, Hotclue, I appreciate it. And so will my mortgage company.

    Reply

  15. Hi, Sloane!

    What are guys called? Is that what you asked? Oh, let me think a minute. Well, how about fellaguy, honey, baby, sweetie, da boss (nah, scratch that one). Does that help? Always glad to help out a fellow writer.

    Hugs,
    Hotclue

    Reply

  16. Hotclue–
    Love your blog. At least your “other” person will go hide in the corner. Mine likes to talk about as much as I do, so we compete for air time. I have to keep her, though, she can type and I can’t.

    SarahJayne

    Reply

  17. I just got lucky, I guess, if you can call contending with Beth lucky. Although wait till you see my next blog entry Wednesday. Beth really gives me a hard time with that one, the wench.

    Thanks so much for dropping by today! Come back again, ya hear me? I’ll leave the lamp on in the window and cookies and tea in the kitchen. Do you like lemon cookies? 😉

    Cheers, Hotclue

    Reply

  18. Oh my, Beth,
    You’re going to have to keep Hotclue away from the blog..she’s going to ruin your naive personality…HaHaHahahahahahahaha!!! Oh, sorry, got carried away..
    Love your website…it absolutely beautiful….boy, how do you rate? I know, Hotclue was leaning over your shoulder…..Great job…

    Hugs…Betty

    Reply

  19. Hey, Betty, this page was a real surprise to me from both Beth and the designer, who I think is a real genius. I love it myself, and Beth couldn’t keep me away from it.

    BTW, I have a new page coming up tomorrow. Don’t miss it, y’all!

    Love y’all, honest I do,
    Hotclue

    Reply

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