100 Things

100 Things About Hotclue,
Beth Anderson’s Irascable and Irrepressable Alter Ego.

1. My all-time favorite movie is Godfather.

2. My other all-time-favorite movie is Pretty Woman.

3. And my other all-time favorite movie is Sleepless in Seattle.

4. I almost never go to a theater to see movies.

5. I think people who talk out loud in movies should be burned at the stake.

6. I got married for the first time at sixteen.

7. Nobody should get married at sixteen.

8. It takes me a long time to make friends, but once I do I never forget them.

9. I have four grown children.

10. All four of my children (and their children, as well as their significant others) think I’m slightly off-the-wall.

11. They don’t know the half of it.

12. My all-time favorite car was a purple 1971 Chevrolet Impala convertible with white leather upholstery and a white top.

13. I met my current husband when he backed into it.

14. I should have known that was some kind of omen.

15. I have two really bad habits.

16. I don’t want to talk about either one of them.

17. I went to junior high in Pekin, Illinois.

18. I still wonder whatever happened to Alosha Eichelberger and Ada Mae Renfer and Yvonda Jones.

19. I’ve been to Hawaii and I REALLY want to go back to that little grass shack.

20. I still miss Elvis.

21. And John Lennon.

22. And Jack and Bobby and Jackie and Martin.

23. I don’t really miss Marilyn that much.

24. I have been to one rock concert to see Paul McCartney.

25. I got high on pot there.

26. Somebody behind me was smoking it.

27. My first legal lipstick that I didn’t swipe from my mother was bright fuscia.

28. I lost my virginity in Baltimore, in my boyfriend’s bedroom, while his grandmother slept downstairs and his parents were at work.

29. Sometimes skipping school really is worth it.

30. (I still wonder whatever happened to him.)

31. I have a Snoopy telephone lamp in my writing room.

32. I have no idea what all those pieces of paper in my writing room organizer are, or who put them there.

33. I broke my arm riding my first tricycle near the edge of the porch right after my mother told me not to ride my tricycle near the edge of the porch.

34. The only automobile accident I’ve ever had was the other guy’s fault.

35. I have never liked roller coasters.

36. One night a friend and I drank too many martinis and tried to highjack a telephone booth.

37. My best memory of California is how warm the air felt in November.

38. I love all animals and they all know it.

39. I have been a little too fat ever since I was eleven years old.

40. Even when I’m skinny, I still feel fat.

41. There is nothing worse for a girl in junior high than to feel fat when she has to undress in front of the other girls to shower after gym.

42. Well, yes there is. Getting on the scales in front of them when the teacher who does the weighing shouts out the weights with a voice that could humble a carnival barker is worse.

43. I wanted to be a cheerleader.

44. But I was too shy and I hid in the bathroom instead of trying out for it.

45. I. Hated. Field. Hockey. When. I. Was. In. School.

46. But I mainly hated the dorky blue gym suits with dorky bloomers, and slits up the side of the dorky short skirts we had to wear over the dorky bloomers.

47. I only recently learned that the definition of a dork is ‘a whale penis’.

48. I have always wanted to be a Broadway singing and dancing star.

49. Next time around, if there still is a Broadway, I’m going to do it and then I’ll write all my books after I’m famous so I’ll get huge advances and plenty of promotion.

50. I wake up early in the morning happy and singing and cracking jokes.

51. Everyone in my family hates me early in the morning.

52. I will always love Frasier and Niles and Daphne.

53. I like ice milk best.

54. I like food that tastes like what it is, not what some faceless person in Omaha dumped into a cardboard box along with several thousand unspeakable, indigestable spices.

55. I love jazz and bosa music.

56. I think Clark Gable was highly overrated.

57. I know Bill Clinton was highly overrated.

58. I’m not sure how overrated Monica was.

59. I love Italian men with sexy eyes.

60. And Irish men with sexy eyes.

61. Let’s face it, if it’s male and it has sexy eyes, I love it.

62. I love Halloween candy, but only if it’s orange and yellow and tastes like chewy marshmallow peanuts.

63. My favorite holiday is Thanksgiving.

64. But only if I can cook the turkey and dressing.

65. I finally figured out what the secret ingredient in my first mother-in-law’s crab cakes was.

66. It took me twenty years after she was gone to figure it out.

67. I love to think about writing novels.

68. Actually doing it is the hard part.

69. I still believe my Grandma Anderson in Metropolis, Illinois, had zombies in her back yard.

70. I was a lonely kid, but as an adult I’m all over the map.

71. I’m still feeling terrible guilt pangs over the deck of cards I gave to my cousin when my little brother wanted it.

72. On the other hand, he shouldn’t have chased me out of the house with a broomstick and refused to let me back in the house all afternoon.

73. One of my happiest memories is the Sunday afternoon my uncles made homemade ice cream when I was five years old.

74. One of my worst memories is the spanking I got for picking cherries off my grandma’s tree to make a cherry mud pie right after I had been told not to pick the cherries for any reason.

75. I detest all forms of yard work, so thank God for lawn dudes.

76. I got lost on my first day of kindergarten because I was so sure I was supposed to turn right to go home when everyone else was turning left.

77. That trait has continued all through my life.

78. I adore strappy black high heeled shoes.

79. I can’t wear them except in my most interesting dreams.

80. I own five umbrellas.

81. I don’t have a clue where they are.

82. I think the little paper clip help guy in my Word program is adorable.

83. My new kitten is the most wonderful little fur person in the world, even when she’s busy, busy, busy destroying my sheers.

84. I am the only person in the universe who doesn’t like cheesecake.

85. I love Italian food.

86. I have a ton of books on writing I’ve never read.

87. I should probably read them.

88. I went to Anacostia high school in Washington, D.C.

89. I belonged to a sorority there called Omicron Tau Pi, back in the good old days when they were still allowed to have sororities in high school.

90. The initials of that sorority spelled “Cutie Pie”.

91. I always hid (alone) in the bathroom when the boys arrived after the meetings to dance.

92. I went on a hayride in Washington, D.C. with a boy who grew up to be a mass murderer.

93. But he was a good kisser.

94. My first big crush was during third grade in Metropolis, Illinois, when I fell in love with a boy named Delbert Shelby.

95. Delbert threw a rock at me, because he loved me, while I was walking on a rolling barrel in my grandma’s back yard.

96. I still have the scar on my knee.

97. I had no idea what Wilbur Humphreys was doing when we were playing Spin the Bottle at a party in Baltimore and he tried to give me my first French kiss.

98. I detest it when diabolical restaurant cooks sneak hot blackening spices into my food.

99. I love the way stars in Alaska look as if you could reach up and touch them.

100. I believe we miss out on a lot of life’s magic moments because we don’t take the time to look for them.

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